Blackberry

Posted by dulwichmum on Wed 14 March 2007

What an eventful start to the day I had this morning!

At 7.20 am, my mother in law – Grandma Elizabeth telephoned me. It is just the busiest time of the day, trying to get myself dressed and groomed, and the children dressed and brought downstairs for breakfast. I can just about cope with a bullet point type urgent chat, but please … no drawn out or mind game type conversations, they just cause too much stress.

Grandma Elizabeth opened the dialogue with the misleading phrase (and complete lie):

‘Just a quick few words, I know how busy you are at this time of the morning’,

and then proceeded to take forty minutes over an absolute epic of a conversation, causing me to miss breakfast, and arrive late for work with one half of my hair in cork screw type sausage curls, and the other half poker straight (never disturb a lady with her GHD).

Basically, Grandma Elizabeth phoned to gloat that once again she had ‘saved the day’ by remembering a relatives birthday and sending them a card from us! (I grind my teeth when she does this, as I hate the idea of anyone sending letters or cards in my name).

James’ Great Aunt Alice was ninety years old today, and Grandma Elizabeth had sent a card from myself, James and the children – even carefully (she admitted) forging the children’s signatures with her left hand, as she knew we would forget!…….. Grrrrrrr. She sounded so proud of herself.

‘You shouldn’t have’, I said.

‘Well somebody had to remember’, she replied, and continued;

‘you have shown in the past that you cannot be trusted to remember’.

THE CHEEKY THING!!!!

‘No’, I replied,

‘you shouldn’t have, we sent cards. James has all the significant dates programmed into his Blackberry’ (snigger, snigger).

‘Now I shall be exposed, Great Aunt Alice will think I am interfering again’, she cried,‘and you always forget!’ she continued accusingly.

‘I am sure Great Aunt Alice will see the funny side’, I lied. ‘James is collecting her from Bath this morning and taking her to Cheltenham for the races as a special birthday treat, I shall ask him to explain.’ I said.

Grandma Elizabeth sounded sick! Oh, the joy.

‘Why does Great Aunt Alice get to go with my son to a corporate race do? He never brings me!’ she said petulantly.

‘Well Grandma Elizabeth (she just hates it when I call her that name), Great Aunt Alice is having a special birthday, and although this type of do is usually just for the wives and partners, James made a special exception’.

Hurrah! I have waited for this moment. I have been so exhausted for the last five years with the children and breastfeeding and work and endless hours at the hairdressers. Now, thanks to advances in technology, I shall never forget a birthday or significant anniversary again.

(No Ratings Yet)

 Loading ...

Comments: 5 Comments to Read

 Full time mother

Posted by dulwichmum on Tue 13 March 2007

Jamima – my super hi-powered ‘career mum’ chum telephoned me earlier today, to inform me that she has decided to put her career on hold. She intends to buy herself a Cath Kidston apron, a set of Nigella cook books and a dog. I am delighted for her.

Jamima returned to full-time work when little George was six weeks old, and as she and her husband Giles have decided not to have any more children, Jamima wants to spend some ‘special time’ with her baby before he grows up and flies the nest forever. George is currently in nursery school full time, and will be off to a local highly rated pre-prep in September.

‘Now is the right time, as I will be able to catch my breath each day while George is otherwise occupied. During school holidays he will go to full-time daily camp…. clearly,’ said Jamima.

‘I just long to do the whole full-time mothering thing, but not if the boy is at home full-time you understand – that is just too much like hard work’, she explained.

Jamima wishes to be able to devote herself to George and his imminent arduous homework and after school social life and hobbies. Sadly however, following years of trauma struggling to find a good nanny, the current fabulous wonder nanny, Sally could be issued with her P45.

Sally is a perfect carer for any little boy. She climbs trees, builds and paints tree houses and playframes, assembles and jumps on trampolines, bakes, dresses like a chap and has a huge black mole on her nose. She ‘lives in’ and eats like a bird (thus adding nothing to the monthly Ocado shopping bill) and has the figure of a pre-pubescent boy.

Jamima is therefore calm and assured that even when she is away on a conference for a week in Toronto, it is only George who gets good night kisses from Sally. Actually, if Sally made sexual advances on any man – chances are the gendarmes would be summoned!

Sally telephoned the agency that had originally provided Wonder Sally, to discuss the delightful nanny’s future employment prospects and they remembered her immediately. Jamima was assured that Sally would not be unemployed and would be ‘snapped up’ imminently by another Dulwichmum!

Jamima has therefore decided to keep Sally for at least a further six months – just to see how she gets on at home. Giles travels with work a great deal, and since Jamima has read Raising Boys and realised that boys require a certain amount of rough play, perhaps the nanny should stay at least until George can start a ‘contact sport’ like rugby.

‘Full time mothering will be such hard work’, said Jamima, ‘I am under no illusions. Do you have any idea where I could get myself a good dog walker?’

Somehow I don’t anticipate that Jamima will suffer from wash day hands, do you?

(No Ratings Yet)

 Loading ...

Comments: 3 Comments to Read