Winner

Posted by dulwichmum on Sat 14 April 2007

Silver Birch won The Grand National today at Aintree. James returned from the Cheltenham Festival just last month with tall tales and high expectations of this fine beast. He had a sizeable bet on him this afternoon.

Hurrah, James won an amazing prize at thirty three to one!

The ‘fashions’ worn today at the course were a disgrace. The women in attendance looked as though they should have been taking part in the tournament itself. Shame on them, velocorapter’s dressed as lamb. I kid you not.

I looked amazing in a petite black Philip Treacy hat and a Jaeger black and white polka dot dress. I am off out with my man this evening to celebrate.

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 Radical Action…

Posted by dulwichmum on Fri 13 April 2007

I must admit that our au pair Ana is just wonderful with the children, but she is just far more good looking than is necessary. Good quality, reliable childcare is so difficult to find, and the same too can be said of a good husband. I shall do everything in my power to keep both. I have therefor decided upon some radical action.

I shall pay for Ana to have major orthodontic work. Braces are so unattractive, and they should serve to remind my husband of the vast age difference between them both. There doesn’t actually appear to be anything wrong with Ana’s teeth, but the orthodontist near my home is notorious for finding something expensive to occupy himself with in the mouths of local teenagers and if I wave James’ credit card around when we visit, I am sure he can find something to do for Ana with a couple of metres of wire and a great sheet of metal.

Last night I dropped a sugar lump in Ana’s tea, and I also bought her gifts of a six pack of do-nuts and a great sack of tortilla chips. I am eagerly anticipating her imminent massive weight gain.

This morning I cunningly cancelled her direct debit with the online optician, thus halting her monthly postal delivery of contact lenses. Ana’s glasses are not dis-similar to those of Ugly Betty.

This afternoon I shall take Ana shopping for those unforgiving smock dresses which are currently in fashion, while at the same time replenishing my stocks of La Perla underwear. I may even purchase a new pair of white jeans. I look amazing in white jeans…

I shall do everything I can to keep James’ attentions for myself…

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