Sunday, February 5, 2012

title pic Review

Posted by dulwichmum on Wed 27 May 2009

The world we know and love has been abruptly transformed of late (sniff), even my own sweet mother, Brenda, has been stupified by shock (dabs eyes).

The Irish Roman Catholic Church has been confined to the stool of repentance for its heinous ways – it seems that the clergy can no longer be trusted to provide any moral guidance at all.

The naughty corner is choc full of money rasping Members of Parliament, unrepentant of their outrageous expense claims for luxury duck condominiums, plasma high definition massage thrones and muscle bound agriculturalists. They shall not be permitted to rejoin polite society until they agree to play nicely and at least atone and apologise (stamps foot).

The economy despoiled, banking is no longer the occupation de jour and swine flu has poked Dulwich in the eye (gasp). Even Teddy (our fluffy Portuguese Water Dog pup) has blossomed into a young, “loving,” doglet (OHMYGOD).

I have been virtually struck dumb with shock of late, feeling nauseated, unable to blog at all (clutches chest). Since Teddy tried to “love” Brenda last weekend, she has too has lost her ability to vocalize…

Change is not always a bad thing, not necessarily, oh no! I adored wearing Isabella Oliver during both of my pregnancies, this topnotch label helped me to look voluptuous and celebrate my blossoming form and, joy of joys, they have just launched a collection of mainstream womenswear! The range is designed for the busy glamorous multitasking woman – moi! I am reassessing so very many things right now (sigh).

This morning, I have concluded that I am no longer a Roman Catholic (although I shall not tell Brenda).

I shall vote for the Liberal Democrats (I shall not tell James). Nick Clegg is such a dish, and as far as I can see, the Conservatives are just as greedy as Labour. Until recently I hadn’t a political bone in my head !

I shall have Teddy “tidied up” by the vet.

I shall purchase an entire new wardrobe from Isabella Oliver 365. I will spend, spend, spend and get the UK economy back on its feet (sigh) even if I must do it myself. I may even run for public office!

I wonder if Isobella Oliver will include an alluring surgical mask accessory in the new collection?

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title pic au pair

Posted by dulwichmum on Fri 8 May 2009

Once again I am in the market for a new au pair. I am incredibly easy to get along with, once they learn to see it my way (stamps foot). I have spent some time reflecting on where I go wrong, and this time I have recorded every every single word (sniff). I am a lovely employer, but this girl only lasted three weeks (sob)…

“I like you, you remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.”

“The fact that no-one understands you, is not explained away by the fact that you are foreign.”

“Don’t believe everything you think.”

“I’ll try being nicer if you try to be more intelligent.”

“What am I? Flypaper for freaks?”

“Who lit the fuse on your tampon?”

I thought all of these things, wrote them down, and said none of them… Not one.

Yes, she was rather pretty, and yes I insisted that she wear a surgical mask in my home – but this is Dulwich and we are in the midst of Flu epidemic for Gods sakes (smirk). Have you any idea how rich and powerful my sweet husband is?

If she has been in any way indiscreet, and you are now talking about me at the school gates – you would do well to be very aware that I know where your skeletons are buried. YOUR AU PAIR HAS A MOUTH - AND ARDIANA TOLD ME WHAT SHE WAS SAYING ABOUT YOU TOO!

Send in the next candidtate… (puts on glasses)

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