Meme

Posted by dulwichmum on Sat 25 July 2009

I have been tagged by darling Melroxx (blows kiss) in a meme to list seven words that describe me! I am so very modest and such a private person (blushes), this type of exercise does not come easily to me (rolls eyes to the right)…

MOTHER – I am a mother, so my tiny poppets always come first (dabs tear from eye).

DULWICH – I am not just a mother, I am a Dulwich mother (smirk). My babies were planned and lovingly produced, by two mature, committed, married parents, in their own detached home in a leafy, affluent suburb and are attending some of the best Independent schools in the country… Mothers in Dulwich never spare any expense when it comes to their progeny, from baby yoga to Suzuki violin, private music lessons to ballet and organic vegetables, we take parenting extremely seriously (smiles knowingly)!

AFFLUENT – well you asked sweetie! My husband has such a super job…. Great chunks of the polar ice sheets melt and plunge into the sea each time he pushes the ignition button on his Aston Martin, and stand back darling, this Audi Q7 is coming through…

GLOSSY – grooming is so very important. No-one gets to look this fabulous without a little effort (shakes head). As I sit here typing at my computer, my new Slendertone System-Abs belt throbbing away at my waist, and teeth clamped down on the mouth piece of my Rio Professional Tooth Whitening Machine (the fluorescent light illuminating the room), I am convinced that if one multi-tasks one can achieve anything (runs perfectly manicured hand through glossy locks).

ORGANISED – You have no idea! Let me see now; it is July and the children are off school for their summer holidays… the time of year to scour the net for a show stopper of a winter coat. Well CLEARLY! This year, I have selected a traditional Harris Tweed number (one must be sure to support British craftsmanship during this vile recession) in a glamorous military style. Sara Berman is famed for her tailoring and I require a classic piece as I could be wearing it for years (sob). Watch out for me at the school gates in September and prepare to be pea green with envy!

STYLISH – Well obviously (see note above re coat)! I always know the right labels and love to assert my supremacy dans l’ecole. It is up to me to set the tone: not everyone buys their clothes from the Boden catalogue you know (stomps foot).

INFLUENTIAL – That is why it is imperative that I hand select items for my wardrobe so very carefully. Primark is for the au pair, Boden is for the teaching staff, and Sara Berman is pour moi as I must provide something for the masses to aspire to (smirk)!

I would like to tag;

Frog in the field
Rosie Scribble
Kitschen Pink
The Private Diary of a Chic Mama
Mum-e
That British Woman
Fat frumpy & fifty

NOTE TO SELF: Next priority – school uniforms for the poppets? Why no! The perfect status bag…doh!

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 School is out!

Posted by dulwichmum on Fri 24 July 2009

I was forced to venture to Sainsbury’s one morning during my recent holiday in Padstein. Despite Rick Stein’s best efforts to produce own brand versions of every provision a Dulwichmum requires – from vino to red onion marmalade and balsamic vinegar, I discovered that he did not produce his own brand of gin (gasp)!

The isles were thronged with scores of milky skinned teenagers, hungry for adventure, fresh from the stuffy exam halls of every independent school in SE21.

Despite years being nourished on breast milk, Omega 3 fish oils, organic and free range fare, their communal shopping trolleys were heaving under the weight of multi-packs of Pot Noodles, long life bread, discount cured meats, sodium soaked baked beans (OHMYGOD) and Lilt.

I spotted our neighbour’s daughter. Just three short years ago, at her mother’s sixtieth birthday party, I agreed to talk to Magda about family planning issues. Margo felt sure that I was far more in touch with the youth…

“Be selective about who you give yourself to” I implored. “If you take just two boys home each year, then thirty boys will have been inside your house in no time at all”.

We also discussed her wish to have a tattoo. “It will remain on your arm until you are an old lady. Fashions come and go sweetie, you are just fifteen. A tattoo is nothing but a tramp stamp…”

There was Magda, strutting around the supermarket, enormous wings and the word “Angel” (very Robbie Williams and sooo year before last…) tattooed on her back, ginger dreadlocks cascading about her shoulders, she is destined to spend her summer on the beach – not a classical instrument in sight (wipes tear from eye)! A gang of girl chums on the prowl, behaving like the Neanderthal contestants of Ladette to Lady, despite years of ballet lessons, immersion French and Suzuki violin.

OH MY GOD…

Magda and her friends are hosting a house party this summer, and all are welcome to attend (gulp).

These flowers have escaped from the hothouse…

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