Bad Influence…
Posted by dulwichmum on Wed 11 February 2009
As a devoted mother, I derive consummate pleasure from observing my munchkins at play (admires glossy chocolate brown manicure). My darlings are simply honing their life skills, rehearsing for when they are full grown. Bless!
Just this morning tiny Freya was arranging members of her Slovakian Family in ordered rows on her bedroom floor beside the lid of a shoe box.
“Oh poppet” I chirped, “you are making a sweet little school assembly” as I gazed down at the scores of tiny fuzzy hedgehogs, badgers and penguins lined up in orderly formation.
“No” scowled the precious child. “This is the X-factor and bunny is Leona Lewis“…
With that she placed the tiny rodent on the home spun dais and sang three verses of “Bleeding Love”…
OHMYGOD!
I felt the light headed and almost blacked out due to the shock. This child has spent far too long in the company of Eastern European au pairs. I shall call the agency first thing this evening and order a nice refined girl from South Africa.
My progeny WILL be cultured. I have spent a fortune on private violin lessons… I shall not allow them to watch trailer trash TV in my home.
Loading ...
Philips ReAura (Part 2)
The Body Shop - Born Lippy™ Satsuma Shimmer, Passion berry and Pomegranate Lip Balm
Philips ReAura (Part 1)
Is there an app for this?
Homework
Keyona said,
Oh dear! I thought it was pretty funny!
Number_One_Scum_Mum said,
Darling DM, I’m not sure even South Africans are safe now. One of my own darling poppet’s friends has a south african nanny who is, OMG, a vegetarian!
Daddy Papersurfer said,
I fear the damage has been done. Before you know it Freya will be humming the theme tune from Eastenders, talking about ‘journeys’ and saying “Innit” in every sentence ……… dangerous times ……. dangerous times …….
SingleParentDad said,
Is that nice lady from Spanglish not available?
Harry Netchel said,
Let your precious little darlings watch & listen to the film; “West Side Story”. A “Musical Immaculate Conception” . After they hear that music, they will want to play every musical instrument created … ……. Harry ….
Harry Netchel said,
Email me. I Love You! . Harry.
Nunhead Mum of One said,
but, on the other hand lovely girl, if Freya can hold a tune is it not worth considering her for Britain’s Got Talent? Look at that little poppet who won our hearts with her gap toothed smile and even made Simon Cowell go all gooey.
menopausaloldbag (MOB) said,
Now look mummy, given the state of the worldwide economy, the state of education, the state of society as a whole I think you should be exercising Freya’s vocal chords on a daily basis. How else will your poppet survive when your fortune is spent by the time she needs to earn a living? Think yourself lucky woman, they could be put to work scuttling up chimneys just to keep you in Bollinger. Just think, fame, fortune and a life of hitching up her skirt to show her left butt cheek to get publicity when her star starts to wane. How proud could a mother be?
dulwichmum said,
Keyona darling,
Everything is a competition in Dulwich.
Perfect birthday girl Number One Scum Mum,
You don’t think that they might have an “alternative” type of au pair from South Africa – you know, the type that has profuse facial hair… do you? This could be good, very good (rubs scheming hands together).
Oh Daddy darling,
What would I do without you to console me? FECK!!! (Irish verb via my mother – it means do something…)
Sweet Singleparentdad,
Where is this Spanglish? Which agency should I use? Text me darling, this is urgent…
Harry sweetie,
You really need to calm down. I am a married lady, and my husband is still incredibly powerful, despite… er… everything.
OH NUNHEAD MUM OF ONE!!!
What can I say?
I fear that my sister is trailor trash. You need some time out sweetie!
Oh MOB,
Do you think so lovely friend? I am so distressed… I opened a bottle early this evening, and I am now well on my way…
Frog in the Field said,
OHMYGOD!!
Poor Freya, she has been brainwashed.
(whisper) DM, between you and me, I think you’ve got an admirer (points descreetly at comment above).
I really think you should be careful, Freya has obviously suffered enough and one can only imagine how cross James might be (how exciting!!).
Frog
x
Nunhead Mum of One said,
You’re right darling, of course. I’ve given myself a good talking to, a damn good slapping and am even as we speak persuading David to turn up the Mahler on the stereo whilst painting my nails a similar chocolate brown to yours. I have also informed my beloved that he may report me to you should I get carried away and ACTUALLY watch Dancing on Ice tomorrow night……
dulwichmum said,
Sweet Frog,
If we say nothing, he may just go away… I am a married lady!
Perfect Nunhead Mum of One,
I do hope you are not painting your own nails… It is a slippery slope – you could end up ironing your own clothes and caring for your own children, whatever next!
Nunhead Mum of One said,
No dear heart, David was painting my nails – he does it far better than I do x
Maddy said,
Oh dearie me. And there was me thinking that ‘trailer trash’ was strictly this side of the pond! Now lets see if I can wriggle by your catchpa! [second attempt!]
Cheers
kitschen pink said,
Time to call for a Norland my sweet. There are things on which one might economise and there is the grooming of one’s offspring. Never the twain. t.xx
Add A Comment