Behave

Posted by dulwichmum on Mon 8 August 2011

I found this via my chums on Twitter tonight – inspired!

(4 votes, average: 4 out of 5)

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 Busy, busy!

Posted by dulwichmum on Thu 4 August 2011

The roads through Dulwich are whisper quiet at the moment. Indeed yes, it may appear sleepy to you, but behind the Farrow and Ball painted front doors and plantation shutters, Dulwich is a hotbed, positively fizzing with oestrogen activity! The new academic year is a mere hop and a skip away, and meticulous preparations are well underway. Legions of mothers have already returned from their second homes, leaving their progeny en France, knee deep in Lett’s Key Stage Revision books (just the two hours each morning and a little violin and piano practice sweeties!), in order to fine tune the preparations.

Just this morning as I crunched my way down our (in and out) drive, I observed a neighbor, enduring a veritable public beasting at the hands of her personal trainer, as she performed all manner of undignified high kicks and lunges (clutches chest)! Has that woman lost her senses? Not everyone can manage to get away with size 10 Swetty Betty Workout Statement Silhouette Mesh Leggings (smirk)! Dulwichmums from Alleyn Road to Delawk Crescent are crash dieting and working out frantically to tighten their derriers in time for the latest cohort of pert Slovakian aupairs to arrive. Those minx’s have one thing on their minds (apparently) – to steal the affections of our husbands…(GASP)

Genuinely now, surely this is all just a step too far?

While my housekeeper occupies herself with all manner of trivia, from pre-rinsing tiny Max’s new school trousers in conditioner (apparently the abrasive Teflon coated fabric scuffs his delicate skin?), trekking across town to procure the right pencil case from the most far flung branch of Paperchase and sewing name tags on everything apart from the cockapoo – if it were not for my mother’s help with the childcare, my colourist’s help collecting the dry cleaning, the interior designers help with the dog walking, the cleaner’s help with the ironing, OCADO’s help with the groceries, my husband’s help with restocking the cellar and the provision of stacks of cash, I would be virtually alone (dabs tear from eye)!

Jerry Hall once shared her instructions for how to keep a man…she was proved wrong, so let me share mine:

Get yourself a copy of the Boden catalogue, swizz through to the Men’s section, the possibilities are endless, I am sure you will agree (sniggers)! Believe me, where Zsofia comes from, men wear tool belts and hard hats, not raspberry poplin pull-ons and “Vintage” multi-floral shirts! With your husbands clad as a pre-schooler, your aupair will be convinced of his love for musical theatre!

Why should any mother exercise in this heat? Surely a pair of Slendertone shorts and a glass of Pimms is the only way to go? I can’t wait to show off my new statement school bag. See you at the gates sweeties!

I will show you how to live the dream…(chomps on celery stick)

(1 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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