Sadly, I must admit, I find it so very difficult to keep all of the balls in the air (sigh). My arduous beauty regime, along with my fabulous, glamorous career and stunning, high achieving progeny can sometimes leave me so very exhausted. Not just physically, but emotionally too. I strive to ensure that everything is perfect, and I run a very tight ship, but sometimes the most important details can slip… (sob).

My perfect girl has spent far too much time in the company of Eastern European au pairs. Her sense of style is developing in leaps and bounds (clearly, she is my child after all!), but her taste in TV leaves a great deal to be desired (stomps foot)!

Freya, has become obsessed with that vile American TV show, “America’s next top model” – OHMYGOD! Her perfect favorite new Liberty Print blouse by Peak Princess meets with my unreserved approval. Her penchant for modeling it theatrically beside my poured concrete kitchen island does not!

Who are these judges, and why does the gentleman with the full head of hair, persist in dressing like the Easter Bunny? Who is he to advise a girl on appropriate attire?

The best caption for the picture below, will win the prize of a fabulous Freya Bean blouse, long or short sleeves (from 6-12m up to 7-8 years) for delivery mid-January (they currently have a waiting list!). The retail value is from £19.99 to £29.99 depending on size & sleeve length.

Go girls!

There are those of you who will, no doubt, assert that I have so little to worry about.

Yes, I am stunningly good looking (smirk), happily married (runs perfect manicure through glossy locks) and fabulously wealthy (admires pearly veneers in compact mirror), but parenthood is proving to be such a rocky ride (wipes tear from eye). My sweet daughter, Freya, continues to insist that she will have an otter for Christmas (OHMYGOD!).

Those lovely people over at Heritage Chocolates have offered 5 of their super coins as a prize for my Wordless Wednesday competition! They make the most spectacular stocking fillers, are super quality Belgian chocolate, really rather enormous (each weighing 90 grammes) and worth £4 each.

Lets see what captions you can come up with for the picture below. The first line that springs to mind is “Hello Freya, I don’t exist!”, and lets hope he calls soon, because this is simply too damn stressful (clutches chest).

We have just returned from a glorious family summer holiday and I wanted to share our vacation joy with everyone!  This year we staycationed in Cornwall, because as far as I am concerned, the continent is completely over-rated (runs perfectly manicured hand through glossy locks).  From the time one boards the Eurostar, the lavatories of France take on the freakish characteristics of horror movie locations…

I am aware that the French are world renowned for their savoir-faire, sophistication and refinement, but their conveniences are far from…er… convenient.  I do not consider a hole in the floor to be adequate privy provision, and their crepe paper toilet tissue is quite honestly – “crepe” (said with theatrical French accent). These people are Barbarians!

I have no desire for a paper cut on my nether regions…

The recession is starting to bite, and we must all be so very careful with our pennies… but there are certain areas where it never appropriate to make cut backs!  When travelling abroad this summer, be sure to stack your cases choc full of luxurious toilet tissue and while doing so, stock up on Andrex Puppy Points!  That peerless company has all manner of super fabulous goodies to give away!

I took this photo of actress, Caroline Catz, in Port Isaac on location for the TV show Doc Martin in Cornwall just last week.  Caroline plays the part of Louisa who is engaged to marry the towering Doc Martin. In this scene, a heavily pregnant Caroline (who looks like an older unattractive sister to me!) exits the chemist shop.

The kind people at Andrex (the nation’s favorite toilet tissue) have provided a super prize of two nights for two adults and two children at the four star Best Western in Stoke-on-Trent including B&B and 1 day family Pass to Alton Towers for a family of four to the value of £300 for the wittiest caption!

I am simply bursting (with excitement) to see what you come up with!

I apologise for the lateness of my posting this evening.  There has been a frightful problem with Internet Explorer, and I have been unable to get into my blog until now!  Thank you for all of the lovely emails, you are darlings!

Over the last few months I have posted weekly Wordless Wednesday caption competitions, offering prizes of the booty I am issued with. Despite the fact that I have received many simply spectacular prizes from people who obviously know Dulwichmum well, I have also been offered several items by people who clearly do not…(tapping fingers on poured concrete kitchen surface).

One sweet PR Girl claimed to adore my blog and offered to allow a lucky winning reader a stack of credit to gamble on Sun Bingo!!!

OHMYGOD (clutching chest).

Very my demographic, NOT!

Then there was the hilarious young man who recently suggested that I make a Podcast using his outstandingly powerful Miele vacuum cleaner! He went so far as to offer me a supply of assorted filth and debris which I would then be filmed removing. In return, I would offer my readers the chance to win a vacuum cleaner, he chirped.

No, really…

This week the Wordless Wednesday competition comes to you sans offers of credit with Sun Bingo, or the delights of a new vacuum cleaner (because you are not worth it!). You will simply have the satisfaction of knowing that you are jolly clever indeed (sigh).

Maggie and Rose, the super private members club for families, has just published their first childrens book! There are two lovely editions of the book, one for boys and one for girls. I have both and my children adore them.

These darling volumes are surely the most perfect stocking fillers. I just hope that your family take as much pleasure in them as mine (sigh). Below is the sweetest picture I could find, I can’t wait to see the captions!

Today I have the most wonderful prize yet for Wordless Wednesday! Genuinely now, I adore Space NK, and this product is a complete show stopper. My husband can whinge and moan on as much as he likes about the state of the economy, but I shall continue to invest in good skincare (sigh). Elemental Herbology make this super nutrient packed Cell Food serum, and it is essential maintenance as far as I am concerned.

Below is a photo of a bikini clad Sandra Dee, taken in the days before air brushing or surgical enhancement. I can’t wait to see the captions you come up with for this…

The prize for this week is a fabulous Bootcamp for Butts kit from Mama Mio worth £99. The kit contains super effective exercise programme and a three step skin care regime designed to lift and tone your derriere in 30 days!

Last night my darling man tripped up to bed with the weight of the world on his broad, manly shoulders. It seems that the carnage continues in the City of London and to add insult to injury, our sweet puppy, Teddy, has piddled in James’ Tod’s mocassins once too often.

I am going to take that damn dog in hand,” he asserted…

This morning I woke to find perfect James with Teddy snoozing on his head (in the manner of a wig). My husband looked rather like Eoghan from The X-Factor – bless!

Have you noticed that poor boy’s hair?

OHMYGOD! I have a Joseph shearling coat with less pile (gasp!).

Anyhow, for today’s Wordless Wednesday, I have a photo of Eoghan, the boy with Cockapoo hair. I am sure that his unruly mop will draw some divine captions (smirk).

This week I have a personal safety alarm – the Ila DUSK to give away as a prize. This is a pretty yet discrete accessory which can be worn on your key chain or as an elegant charm on your handbag. By all accounts, they are simply all the rage!

Jo Walker of The Suzy Lamplugh Trust believes that everyone should get into the habit of carrying a personal safety alram whenever they feel slightly vulnerable, such as on that final stretch home from the bus stop or station. The ila DUSK gives women their voice back by emitting a powerful, high decibel piercing female scream, giving you precious seconds to get away. Every girl should have one, now that the dark evenings are here!

I can’t wait to see the captions that you come up with for this one!

This week I was contacted by the lovely people at Remington. Aware of my lifelong obsession with shiny hair, they have invented a revolutionary new hairdryer which the lovely lady said was sure to meet with my approval! The Shine Therapy Dryer delivers a sheer mist of vitamin conditioning solution which is blow dried into the hair and significantly improves shine!

I must admit that I have spent fortunes on premium hair laminating and glossing treatments, and I am not easy to impress. But genuinely, this new Shine Therapy Dryer is simply amazing.

If you come up with the winning line for this weeks image, you will receive a wonderful appliance just like mine, and it is worth £50!