Competition
Posted by dulwichmum on Sun 27 June 2010
I find the annual prep sports day sooo anxiety provoking (yawn).
I won the mothers’ race three years in a row, but everyone has become too damn competitive of late; training for months, beasted from one side of Dulwich Park to the other by those thuggish instructors from British Military Fitness, it is simply no fun anymore.
Jessica told me that she got doggy do on the tip of her nose while doing press ups – I kid you not!!! Nobody bosses me about (stomps foot).
Last year I focused my attentions on the Family Fun Swim. The pool was choc full of hairy shouldered papas and matronly mamas in Hotch Potch tankini’s with cellulite dappled legs, when I skipped to the poolside in my white Heidi Klein one piece with matching sarong and beach ball – pert, spray tanned to perfection, toe and fingernails sparkling like jewels.
You should have seen their faces…
This year I hear the PTA have been bulk buying Miracle Suit shape wear online, although it is impossible to conceal their new biceps in conventional swim suits, they really should wear shrugs (smirk).
A fresh Ukrainian au pair pitched up at our home yesterday afternoon, looking like something from a Spearmint Rhino poster (OHMYGOD!). I was about to send her packing when I had a cunning plan.
I motored straight to the acrylic swimwear section of Primark in Peckham (clutches chest), tossed her a fiver and told her to knock herself out! Galina purchased a yellow dayglo bikini that gave off more static sparks than the annual PTA Fireworks (snigger)! When she hit the water avec poppets this morning, I hear that the new head master became mildly hysterical and there was a scramble for the ventolin inhalers and GTN spray.
I arrived later in a flowing Missoni maxi dress, fragrant and tanned, freshly blow dried by Nicky Clark himself (nothing upsets my Saturday routine). The rest of the parents looked like emotionally exhausted, drowned rats.
Once again, I caused a stir (laughs socks off)!
Hurrah.
Don’t you adore these lovely school get togethers?
Loading ...
Philips ReAura (Part 2)
The Body Shop - Born Lippy™ Satsuma Shimmer, Passion berry and Pomegranate Lip Balm
Philips ReAura (Part 1)
Is there an app for this?
Homework
Mummyinahurry said,
Yu make me die with laughter!
Fortunately Hampstead preps way too laissez faire to allow parents to compete (kids are barely allowed to); so my gym regimen goes nearly to waste.
I sat nearly, because MY “Primarché” bikinis caused a stir with all the other mummies in St Lucia this Easter.
And only one of them was transparent….
Keep up the good stuff
dulwichmum said,
Oh Mummyinahurry sweetie,
I am sure it is the same all over, well, when I say all over, I mean in “nice” places like Dulwich and Hampstead. I really am the most terrific snob you know. Can I offer you an olive?
Mother Hen said,
The country prep schools are just as posy. Instead of swimsuits and hairy backs, we get flash cars and marquee style tents to ‘family’ picnic in. Hot dips and leg of lamb for lunch anyone?
Oh, and don’t forget to watch juniors 100 meter dash.
kitschen pink said,
Darling your children are so lucky to have such a devoted mother. Let it not be said that working mums cannot give their children the support they need! I have volunteered to assist with a school outing next week – all tips on outfit gratefully received – one doesn’t want to be mistaken for staff in case that infers some responsibility for the little poppets actions…
London City Mum said,
Our kids’ sports day is so PC it is not even worth turning up any more.
I mean, honestly, where has the competitive spirit gone when kids are divided into ‘balanced’ teams representing different countries, throw foam javellins, and play a tame version of ‘tag rounders’ (ie how many laps of the boundaries can you clock up) to gain points?
Whatever happened to the fiercely contested 100m sprint? The sand-kicking long jump? The crack-your-teeth-on-the-bar high jump?
No wonder the mums and dads are ‘up’ for a fight in the parents’ race.
Was much fiercer in my day.
LCM x
dulwichmum said,
Mother hen sweetie,
How incredibly civilised! I hate the fact that they have installed bi-folding glass doors on the swimming pool and expect us to frolic in the water with our poppets – exposing ourselves to all and sundry. I mean, as if any of us don’t own our own swimming pools at home …(crosses fingers)
Perfect Kitschen Pink,
May I suggest head to toe DVF white linnen, an enormous floppy straw hat and sunglasses, with a perfect mani, pedi, blow dry and make-up. Anything that the munchkins get up to will be obscured from your view, and you will look so high maintenance that no-one will dare ask you to get your hands dirty for fear of being saddled with the bill for the dry cleaning!
Darling London City Mum,
I know! Everything is sooo sanitised for our babies, there is no competition at all. That is why the mummies must get down and dirty!
Add A Comment