Friday, February 10, 2012

title pic DULWICH MUM PHRASE GUIDE

Posted by dulwichmum on Thu 27 November 2008

Clearly: This is the word Dulwich Mums use when they are sure they are right and all subordinates (including husbands) need to be quiet.

Don’t worry about it: Another dangerous statement, usually referring to something that a Dulwich Mum has told a minion to do several times, but is now having to do herself. This can often result in an enquiry such as ‘What’s wrong?’ (For the Dulwich Mum’s response refer to “Nothing”).

Five Minutes: If a Dulwich Mum is getting dressed, this actually means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if a Dulwich Dad has just been given five more minutes to watch the rugby before driving her to her chosen location (and she has decided to change her shoes).

Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

Hothousing: Standard Dulwich parenting practice and denied by Dulwich parents everywhere (phonics flashcards and Omega 3 fish oils from birth, Muzzy French from one year, extra tuition in all subjects from age 3, viola and bassoon Grade 8 by age 10, Mandarin club “just for fun”).

Loud sigh: This is actually a word, often misunderstood by minions including Dulwich Dads. A loud sigh denotes when a Dulwich Mum has concluded that someone is an idiot and she is wondering why she has wasted a valuable networking opportunity in the playground with them (refer back to the meaning of nothing).

NOCD: Not Our Class Darling – refers to all non Dulwich behaviour (allowing the progeny to consume fried food, shopping at Lidl, the wearing of cheap shoes, the execution of all domestic and household tasks including childcare, reading The Guardian or any other tabloid newspaper).

Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This always means something extremely significant, and you are advised to be on your toes (arguments that begin with “Nothing” usually end in “Clearly”).

OHMYGOD: Standard exclamation denoting extremes of emotion from happiness to horror.

Thanks: If a Dulwich Mum thanks you, simply reply “you’re welcome” (unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – which is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ … that will elicit a “Whatever”).

That’s fine: This is one of the most dangerous statements a Dulwich mum can make. That’s fine means she wants to take time out to consider how she will make you someone pay for their mistake.

Whatever: Is a Dulwich Mum’s way of saying F*CK YOU!

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Comments: 7 Comments to Read

  • Daddy Papersurfer said,

    Ahem …… this looks very familiar ……..

  • dulwichmum said,

    Darling Daddy,

    Indeed, this is not my own work. It is a customised chain letter sent to me by James just this morning. I thought that the world needed to see it, as it is hilarious.

  • Daddy Papersurfer said,

    The interweave is very quiet at the moment – I think I might do a ‘virtual’ striptease right down to my string vest ……….

  • dulwichmum said,

    in the name of God daddy dear! What are you saying? Let me fill your glass…

  • Frog in the Field said,

    Darling DM,
    While I do hate to criticise, you’ve missed out:
    Indeed
    Monster in Law
    and
    Without Question.

    My favourite, which I have plagerised on almost every post I’ve written, is:
    OHMYGOD!!

    Darling, it’s just too cold for Chablis, do have a drop of Shiraz Merlot..

  • snowy bear said,

    Please blame daddy P … he said it was ok to tag you :-)

  • kitschen pink said,

    OHMYGOD – prepare for a LOUD SIGH I am soooo NOCD – I just LOVE Lidl – all those yummy continental Christmas goodies – mmmm yum! But hey! This is the provinces!! As a very dear cosmopolitan friend once said, on opening her car door on a rare trip up this way (actually on her only trip in order to witness my marriage)…
    “Oh my god. Mud.”
    That said it all really.

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