Thursday, May 17, 2012

title pic Fabulous Manifesto

Posted by dulwichmum on Thu 22 April 2010

The established political parties have done nothing to inspire or excite at this Election
Lets put the Great back in Britain (stomps foot)

VOTE NO 1 THE FABULOUS PARTY

We represent the glamorous woman in all of us (bats eyelashes)!

The woman who feels nauseated at the thought of supermarket skincare, instant coffee, Ryanair, Lidl, Primark, Artex, Cash in the attic and stick on bricks

We Believe:

• Pyres should be built from Crocs, Fitflops, Uggs and MBTs – we intend to show no mercy for the manufacturers of ugly footwear, particularly those that peddle ineffective “therapeutic” footwear – based on Masai Warrior barefoot technology: designed by Germans, researched in Wolverhampton and manufactured in a Philippine sweatshop
• The Daily Mail shall be closed (the Famail section can stay – clearly!)
• Jonnie Boden should be first on the ducking stool and anyone found wearing a fun skirt shall be slapped in the stocks
• Those wearing low-slung trousers, “full sleeve” tattoos, excessive body piercing and/or gormless facial expressions shall be slapped in stocks
• Child benefit should be replaced by vouchers for local beauty parlors and every woman issued with a figure enhancing Isabella Oliver ensemble of her choice accessorised with matching Sara Berman “it” bag in the party colour (Elephant’s Breath by Farrow & Ball) – because we really are worth it (smirk)!
• Every small dog shall be officially known as a doglet
• Every lazer should work for their living (I know what goes on, I have seen the The Jeremy Kyle Show – I am sure that we all have lots of roles around our homes that could be filled by these feckless shirkers; cleaner, nail technician, dog walker, personal trainer)
• Every Boarding School should be modeled on Mallory Towers and every public school financed by the public purse (nice policies for nice people)!
• Every daughter should study Jane Austen from reception and every son coached in the art of gentlemanly behavior – just like daddy (wipes tear from eye)

Doesn’t this party simply make you glad to be alive(sigh)?

I can ask one of the lovely dads at my son’s school to sort out the economy because we simply must not shy away from the real issues, and with the help of my interior designer I will work on mood boards for No 10 and I will not be scrimping on the Farrow and Ball and Osborne & Little!

We shall take a hard line and stand firm for what we believe
We shall rebuild Blighty – plantation shutters for No 10 and a branch of Waitrose on every high street or be damned!

Hurrah!

Join us and declare how fabulous you are for all the world to see!

To become a full party member please Twitter an image of your most fabulous footwear and post the party poster on your blog.

(could someone please rewrite the lyrics for Don’t cry for me Argentina – to include mentions of The Fabulous Party and, of course, Dulwich?)

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Comments: 24 Comments to Read

  • Polly said,

    Don’t cry for me sweet Dulwich
    The truth is you’re still my home
    All through my glam days
    In the Fabulous Party
    I kept to my manifesto
    Keep out the plebs please!

  • dulwichmum said,

    Polly darling!

    It is just Fabulous! I am weeping as I sing.

    MWAH x

  • Number_One_Scum_Mum said,

    Sweetie
    I agreed with every word you say, except I must insist that as the new Home Secretary, I am allowed to sentence all juvenile first offenders to watch the greenhouse scene in Scum as a deterent. I know you are far too sensitive for such viewing, but you also appreciate the persusive charm of Lord Ray of Winstone. I am also working on our Immigration policy (obviously based on the premise that we should all be provided with the plainest, most pliant and cheapest au pairs possible)….
    Love you Mein Mutti xx

  • Wendy said,

    Hurrah! Vote fabulous!

  • Roisin said,

    Bea – Did you mean Austen?!

    Or is Austin some fabulous new edgy designer that I am unfamiliar with? Hmm?

  • dulwichmum said,

    Darling Number_One_Scum_Mum,

    Let me just cut out this piffle Jessica and call you by your real name, I would like to ensure that you are aware that earthquakes are caused by scantily clad women. I would like to insist that all aupairs wear the veil when in my home!

    Perfect Wendy,

    You know it makes sense!

  • dulwichmum said,

    Look Roisin,

    I can’t be expected to proof every item that comes out of the party office now can I? I mean, I am far too busy kissing babies and trotting about smiling at the press. You know how it goes sweetie, you can’t get the staff… Gin? Ice and a slice?

  • Charlotte said,

    Dah-ling – will you be re-painting the door of No. 10 as part of your makeover?

    Charlotte xx

    p.s. If you could instate a law that Farrow and Ball are to release a line of nail varnish I would be appreciative down to my perfectly coordinated toes

  • dulwichmum said,

    Charlotte sweetie,

    The front door of No 10 will be our signature colour of elephant’s Breath by Farrow & Ball, clearly! I just adore the nail polish idea too! Mwah x

  • Polly said,

    Sweet Bea,

    I think to appeal to the younger voters, we should establish a security policy on Voldemort and the Death Eaters. That would appeal to them more than tax breaks and such.
    x

  • dulwichmum said,

    Perfect Pol,

    I haven’t a clue what you are talking about, but I am nodding and I have a knowing smile… will that do?

  • Polly said,

    Yes, yes it shall. Just know that they will attract the young vote like flies to honey!

  • dulwichmum said,

    Sweet Pol,

    You are such a love. What sentence should I cut and paste into my manifesto? Will a sentence suffice or will the young people prefer a paragraph?

  • Polly said,

    A paragraph would be wonderful, since as we know, manifestos expand what could be written on a Post-It into a War and Peace worthy dissertation!
    x

  • Froginthefield said,

    Don’t cry for me Gordon Brownie
    The Truth is that no one loves you!
    Gone are those wild days
    No more invading
    We’ll all be fabulous
    You will be fading…..

    Hurray!!!!
    I’m so excited I almost spilled my Pina Colada

  • dulwichmum said,

    Pol darling,

    Could you suggest the exact wording for me? I have been campaigning so hard today and my brain is mush (sigh).

  • Polly said,

    The Fabulous Party are naturally very worried about any possible threat of an invasion by Voldemort and his heinous party of Death Eaters. In the event of this situation, we shall Taser them and throw them to the stocks, naughty children!

  • dulwichmum said,

    Perfect darling!

    Although should we admit worry? Should we not say that we would naturally be prepared for this threat!

  • Polly said,

    Oh, my bad, sweetie!

    “The Fabulous Party understands the fear some may have of Voldemort and his Death Eaters attacking, but don’t worry, we have put into place plans in order to adequately protect our dear country.”

  • dulwichmum said,

    Hurrah! You are like a slightly younger sister to me sweetie.

  • Jadzia said,

    Is this what parents who share a brain cell do all day?

  • Lissa Cook, Peak Princess said,

    1. Can I be the Fabulous Party’s representative in the North please?
    2. Can I add a policy that everyone has to make handmade Liberty prints?
    3. Can Peak Princess be your official wardobe mistress once you are elected First Lady of Fabulousness please?
    4. Motion for policy amendment: Canvassing for votes can’t be done in canvas – high heels obligatory.
    Lissa, aka Peak Princess

  • Polly said,

    Any dogs except doglets will be banned, won’t they sweetie?
    One just bit me! -wail-

  • angelsandurchinsblog said,

    I think handbags (fabulous ones, naturellement) should be swung at any politician who rolls up his sleeves. If Dave gets in, will everyone get a free Smythson Daphne?

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