Less than perfect…
Posted by dulwichmum on Tue 22 December 2009
Tonight, Alleyn Road resembles a picture perfect scene from a Disney snow globe (sigh). Seasonal tunes and carols waft throughout the house, out in the hall, the lights on the Christmas tree twinkle, in the kitchen the cinamon sweet aroma of mulled wine promises Christmas cheer and in the lounge my two darling munchkins perch on the Marimekko bean bag, watching Santa Buddies on Blu-ray, heads soaked in Full Marks lotion.
OHMYGOD!
Ah yes, peace and goodwill to all men, but NOT pert young blonde women from Eastern Europe (shrieks). They should have their heads shaved and their luggage torched when they step on the tarmac at Luton…(stomps foot). Why does something always have to tarnish the perfect picture (sob)?
My progeny only rub heads with poppets from the best families.
I believe that au pair girls are the sole source of verrucas, ring worm, head lice and impetigo in Dulwich. I have a good mind to email the Home Office.
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Chic Mama said,
Oh dear…lucky you having ‘visitors’.
My children NEVER ever had nits at their London prep school but since paying ridiculous amounts of fees at their prep school ‘in the country’ we have had many bouts…I too blame it on all the au pairs and nannies.
I’ll see what happens next term when they join the ‘sob sob sob omg’ state system . ;0/
Metropolitan Mum said,
Thinking about moving to Dulwich and hiring an au-pair. All of the sudden, this doesn’t sound like such a good idea anymore.
dulwichmum said,
Darling Chic Mama,
It must be the au pairs. I should imagine that you will be “visitor free” in the state system. Can I offer you a drink sweetie?
Perfect Metropolitan Mum,
Get yourself a male British nanny and you should have no problems at all. You would simply love the educational sausage factory that is Dulwich!
EmmaK said,
Personally I could never have an au pair because I frequently wander round house nude and also am not a morning person. But I appreciate that for some this is a perfect choice. I hope your au pair is not some fetching filly who will tempt your hubby and rather a plain jane with a moustache. Merry Christmas darling and do a shop at Harvey Nicks for me since I will not be visiting my spiritual home this christmas.
dulwichmum said,
EmmaK darling,
chosing an au pair is fraught with conflict. A heavy set, ugly girl will cost a fortune to feed and may frighten the poppets, but an elfin girl costs pennies to feed and may attract the attentions of my darling man.
I usually opt for a plain, skinny girl with contact lenses. I ensure that the lenses are lost when she arrives and insist that she wears enormous bottle end glasses. I also pay for her to have braces on her teeth, whether she needs them or not. With a quick flick of the switch on the washing machine, I boil wash her “lingerie” and replace everything “my fault darling”, with enormous acrylic bras and pants! My man despises man made fibres. It seems to have worked so far…
Hadriana said,
I know I haven’t been over for ages. Love the new look site….wishing you, DM, a very fab Christmas and a super 2010! Hadriana xx
Raine said,
Oh my – while my offspring have never experianced an au pair, they have, recently experianced the dreaded pediculosis. An au pair would have been useful to do the extra laundry. And to watch the children while I stayed in a hotel until they all went away.
Sparx said,
Goodness, I have family on Alleyn Road, I must notify them at once to cover their heads before leaving the house…
angelsandurchinsblog said,
Super smart friend assures me that nits are found in the bestest families up and down the land. So no surprise they’ve come home to roost in Dulwich. A Nitty Gritty Christmas to you all.
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