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Problem page
By dulwichmum | August 17, 2008
Darling James has been reading the Sunday Times this morning as usual. He was guffawing so uncontrollably since opening the travel supplement that I feared he would cause himself an injury. When he eventually dried his eyes, he announced “I didn’t write to the newspaper, honestly darling” and made a quick break for the door with his golf clubs. I naturally leaped on the newspaper to discover the source of his mirth, this page has been manhandled almost beyond recognition;
“Dear Kathy
Q I can’t stand the way my wife drives our car. She clips the corners of kerbs, goes too fast over speed bumps, is frequently in the wrong gear — and that’s when she’s not swerving to avoid people or cyclists. When I point out that she’s going to kill us both, she accuses me of being aggressive, and if I insist on driving, she says I’m being a chauvinist.
GN, 33, Oxford
Dear Kathy
Q My girlfriend has horrible sleeping habits. When she’s awake, she’s well mannered, pretty and considerate. As soon as her head hits the pillow, she turns into another creature altogether. She snores like a pig and tosses and turns like an elephant. Then she asks me why I’m so grumpy in the mornings. And we’re supposed to be getting married.
HM, 25, Carlisle”
OHMYGOD!!! Is 9.38 am on a Sunday morning too early to open the vino? Please excuse me, I must telephone the housekeeper to tell her not to bother to come to work today, we will no longer be requiring Sunday lunch. I am off to Sloane Square with my friend Sadie for a shop fest…
Topics: Uncategorized | 9 Comments »
August 17th, 2008 at 22:36
As Sunday is the day of rest I always figured there was no time restriction on a little something to help the day along. I should think Dear Kathy has a bottle open all day to help her cope with her tedious job corresponding with a bunch of old moaners! t.x
August 18th, 2008 at 01:44
and he’s perfect…..right????
LOL
Gill
August 18th, 2008 at 02:31
Add a bit of chocolate and Pimms to the list darling – I think you deserve it!
August 18th, 2008 at 15:15
Obviously the answer is to get yourself a driver. Can’t have the husband too upset now can we?
August 18th, 2008 at 15:48
Here’s the letter I sent Kathy only a week ago.
Dear Kathy, my husband drives like he is in the Monte Carlo rally. Honestly, when we are in the car bombing along at break neck speeds I am convinced that at the journey’s end we will ‘come in first’ and be presented with a magnum of finest champers and a bouquet of flowers. Failing that, I can be forgiven for thinking that I am a traffic cop on a ‘shout’ where we force the criminal to come to an abrupt halt, drag him from his car, throw him up against said vehicle where myself and my husband frisk him then cuff him before reading him his rights. Enough is enough but when I threaten to cut my husband’s nuts off for terrorising me yet again in the car, he assures me that as a trained advanced level police driver that he is ‘safe at every speed’. He certainly is in bed, quick and very quick where speed is of the essence before he rolls off for a mega snore. Should I leave him for someone less frantic? By the way, is it normal to hold ones wife’s head under the duvet after letting rip a bottom burp of rip roaring proportions?
August 22nd, 2008 at 15:15
Hee hee. Fabulous. And it’s never to early for vino is it?
By the way, I just realized you’re in my reader but not on my blogroll so I will remedy that immediately.
August 22nd, 2008 at 15:16
Or ‘too’ early. I really must clean the caviar off my keyboard. Tsk.
August 22nd, 2008 at 19:40
Thank you, Dulwich Mum, for including me in your blogroll. Much appreciated! Can understand completely why you’re off to Sloane Square for some shopping therapy. Luckily “young” you for having it on your doorstep…! And no! It’s never too early to open the vino…
August 23rd, 2008 at 09:40
Thank you all so very much for your kind comments. I am afraid that I have been incredibly busy this week consulting various alternative therapists about my perfect husbands underlying agression (sigh).
Can I offer anyone a drink?