Puppy love
Posted by dulwichmum on Tue 2 September 2008
Who am I to refuse my darling children a special treat? They ask for so very little (sigh). Freya has been begging for that damn life size Butterscotch Pony toy (grrr, thanks mother) to be returned from the garage, and I will do anything in my power to distract her…
The poppets have expressed an interest of late in owning a pet. Simply everyone in Dulwich is currently sporting a regulation chocolate coloured Labrador and extols their virtues ad nauseam. I am aware that they encourage children to be responsible and caring, are tolerant, docile and loyal family members (just like my mother), but I simply cannot bring myself to purchase a model that everyone else already has (stomps foot on floor). Our Utopian postcode is bordered by Lambeth – a land of Dobermans, Rotweilers and all manner of terrifying, killer, monster Pit Bull type dogs – we are certainly not having one of those either.
I have been searching online (Google Images) for an appropriate breed of family dog, not a handbag sized arm accessory – I own so very many of those already (smirk). I initially considered an Old English sheep dog, something windswept and casual with eye catching good looks – to co-ordinate with my new tailored autumn wool coat, for wafting about in the park. Something substantial, that requires minimal exercise. However, as Albena our housekeeper pointed out, “the bigger the dog – the larger the poo” (OHMYGOD, and we are expected to pick up its business -eugh). We will not be buying an Irish Wolfhound for that reason either.
A Labradoodle is a Labrador/poodle hybrid (they even sound environmentally friendly!) with long wavy hair that does not shed (ideal for a minimalist, clinically clean home like mine), kind, gentle and easy to train . My mother has tried to insist that we purchase a Cockapoo (Cocker Spaniel/Poodle hybrid – smaller than a Labradoodle but with a glossy coat) and they are very pretty indeed, but I simply couldn’t bear to own a dog called a Cockapoo! If only the breeders had named that brand of dog a Cockadoodle and then I would definitely have bought one.
I have endured the most traumatic week, telephoning chocolate Labradoodle breeders up and down the land. One breeder I spoke to, could be heard smoking during our conversation, with a baby screaming in the background. She informed me that she intended to interview James and I in order to assess our suitability as a dog owners. In between shouts of “shut up or I’ll get the slipper” (to dog or child?) she described how her expenses for travel to London would have to be paid in advance in order that she could “inspect” our home!!!
OHMYGOD, who are these people? I could not bear to purchase one of her passive smoking, brow beaten puppies. For the love of God, I am not trying to adopt her child – although, perhaps I should, I am after all, so very selfless and child centred – would you like a top up for that glass?… Another breeder described how I would be required to bring my progeny to her home in the West Midlands, so that she could assess how they interacted with her doglets. She insisted that only then could inform me of how much her puppies would actually cost!
How dare she? I could be compelled to purchase every puppy she owned at great cost from her doggy dungeon. I am so very sensitive, and my babies can be rather demanding when faced with a choice. I shall leave my PA to select and collect a puppy for us. If she doesn’t come up with something appropriate soon, I shall purchase my progeny a pair of goldfish. Butterscotch is staying in the damn garage…
Did you say that you wanted another drink in that glass?
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Daddy Papersurfer said,
Damn tricky business …… I always thought a Sausage dog would quite suit me but then the terrible Goddess started wondering [out loud!] whether there was such a thing as a Chipolata dog so I gave up on the idea…..
[I don't wish to add to your burdens but have you considered the impact on Beluga?]
valley girl said,
You must have supersonic hearing to be able to tell she was smoking, on the phone!
Could you bear to see if there are Labradoodles at Battersea Dogs Home?
dulwichmum said,
Sweet Daddy,
Beluga has been traumatised by the long summer school holidays. He is clinging to the curtain pelmets where he has been for the last 8 weeks. My darlings are so exhuberant! Perhaps I shall buy a couple of gold fish instead?
Darling Valley Girl,
All of the dog shelters and rescue homes laughed nervously when I mentioned my children – they muttered “these dogs have been through enough” before hanging up abruptly (sigh)!
Adventure Mother said,
Whichever model you decide on I’m sure it will look very glamorous with your new coat. However, once all those other Dulwich ladies see your new autumn look they are bound to follow your example, simply cancelling out all this effort you’ve gone to!
dulwichmum said,
Lovely Adventure Mother,
You are so right, some people are incapable or original thought. I wonder what dog Gwyneth Paltrow has…
Daddy Papersurfer said,
Perhaps ……. named Fortnum and Mason obviously …… or Lilly and Allen to give you some street crud ….. I mean cred
dulwichmum said,
OHMYGOD! Daddy, you know me so well, we could be related..
Tara@From Dawn Till Rusk said,
Have a Great Dane. Gorgeous creatures and it could double up as a horse
dulwichmum said,
Oh Tara darling, such a dog could indeed distract my darling girl from the Butterscotch Pony, but imagine the size of his …er… doings. I should hate to spoil the line of my handbag.
I thank God himself we are not requird to pickup a horses poo in a plastic bag and tuck it in the pocket of ones raincoat until we find a bin! I fear I may be getting one of my heads…
70steen said,
Hi DM ~ came via DPs blog.
I tried to get a rescue puppy but was rejected as I work full time despite I have a loving home and dog walking people sorted … ended up buying a pedigree King Charles instead from a dealer .. i would have much preferred a rescue dog but there you go!
As for telling if folk smoke on the phone .. oh 100% you can tell as they pause and then speak (oh and the click of a lighter is a clue too!)
My mate who is an occasional smoker, when on the phone to me is amazed when I say ‘are you smoking?’ and she is lol
Great blog … I will return
[spooky ...word verification was YELP]
dulwichmum said,
Dear 70steen,
I did try to get a rescue dog, as recycling is far superior to buying new. Thank you for your kind words. Mwah x. Can I offer you a drink?
Frog in the Field said,
Dearest Dulwich Mum,
Are you still searching?
Sweetie, I can always courier a piglet to you.
Once you’ve changed your clothes at the end of the season you can eat him.
Could I have a spot of ice darling?
Nunhead Mum of One said,
Darling, be different and join me as a black labrador owner. They are lovely, adorable, bright, funny and, in the case of Junior Dog, can be trained to perform simple household tasks.
Labradoodles, when wet, look like you used to when you had your hideous 80s perm xxxx
70steen said,
cheeky to refuse….cheers x
Dog Breed Dictionary said,
Get a black lab! Labradoodles are cool, but they can have some crazy bad hair days!
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