Re-invention
Posted by dulwichmum on Sat 20 March 2010
In order to reserve my darling man’s attentions for mine own (smirk), I find that I am under constant pressure to re-invent myself – to keep James interested. Not in a Madonna, no pants and cone shaped bra sense you understand – my husband is incredibly well connected – I will NEVER shame him by having a Brazilian wax. No, that kind of thing is not for everyone darling (inhales deeply and clutches chest).
Anyhow, once again, I am in search of a new au pair. In the words of Jeremy Clarkson; Irish girls could in the past be depended upon for orange hair and white skin, but these days, they seem to have orange skin and white hair… I require a girl with English as a first language you understand (to assist with homework), but there is only so much I am prepared to endure. It seems that androgynous Polish women still exert a certain charm here in Dulwich. I require a girl with teeth like tortilla chips.
I do not intend to traumatise the children, or upset the cockapoo, with bad dental work or obvious facial hair, but I do not want my husband’s head turned. What a fine line! It is not easy, this life I have, I am under constant pressure (sigh).
Mirror, mirror, on the wall…
Today, I discovered this vile hair style gallery. How very dare they? In their “fabulous 40 plus” section they feature Joanna Lumley (my father lusted after Joanna Lumley and he died when I was nine years old!!!), Stephanie Beecham (I remember modeling myself on her in Dynasty when I was a tiny pre-teen) and Blondie (my older sister – ten years my senior, aspired to look like Blondie), no really, I am not the same generation as these women. They are the Tena generation, not me (wail)!
I am solvent, sexy, fit and dare I say it…pert! There is no way that I am over the hill. Forty is most certainly the new 30. HOW VERY DARE THEY, do they know who I am (WAIL)?
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Polly said,
That is not forty plus! They are lying!
Forty plus is Jennifer Aniston (although nobody really wants her schnoz and her reputation!) or someone of her ilk. Not one of those… ladies. They are just far too matronly for words.
Alison said,
I suspect that the article may have been written by a) someone on work experience, that thinks anyone over the age of 30 is ancient, or b) a 60+ male who still thinks he’s got it!
By the way, doesn’t one of those 40+ (add a couple of decades…!) confess to wearing wigs… *ponders*…
Daddy Papersurfer said,
I’ll vouch for the ‘pert’ ……. anything to help ……
dulwichmum said,
Oh Polly dear,
I knew you would understand. I am nothing like Joan Collins or Hattie Jakes!
Perfect Alison,
Indeed, Joan Collins does wear wigs (stomps foot). Lazy journalism, nothing less (wail).
Daddy my darling man,
*smirks while pulling skirt to cover knees*
aims said,
Really! How shocking is this! I have to totally agree with everyone – well maybe I won’t do Daddy – ahem….
It does sound like a wig salon does it not? And that Lumley woman – did your pa go for her teeth? Was that the attraction? Was he into horses too?
angelsandurchinsblog said,
You mustn’t worry. My husband has the most scary crush on Jane Seymour, and I’m sure even when you’re 90 you’ll be just as glorious as she is.
Froginthefield said,
OHMYGOD!!
Joan Collins and Joans Rivers should surely be termed as pre-historic rather than over 40!!
Sweetie do get that cork out and get Albina to fetch the glasses, I need a drink
Kristine said,
Do they check their facts? Those women are old.. not that they don’t look great but they are certainly older than forty! Hell, they’re older than fifty!
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Kristine said,
They are not over 40! They are way way way over than 40!
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