School is out!
Posted by dulwichmum on Fri 24 July 2009
I was forced to venture to Sainsbury’s one morning during my recent holiday in Padstein. Despite Rick Stein’s best efforts to produce own brand versions of every provision a Dulwichmum requires – from vino to red onion marmalade and balsamic vinegar, I discovered that he did not produce his own brand of gin (gasp)!
The isles were thronged with scores of milky skinned teenagers, hungry for adventure, fresh from the stuffy exam halls of every independent school in SE21.
Despite years being nourished on breast milk, Omega 3 fish oils, organic and free range fare, their communal shopping trolleys were heaving under the weight of multi-packs of Pot Noodles, long life bread, discount cured meats, sodium soaked baked beans (OHMYGOD) and Lilt.
I spotted our neighbour’s daughter. Just three short years ago, at her mother’s sixtieth birthday party, I agreed to talk to Magda about family planning issues. Margo felt sure that I was far more in touch with the youth…
“Be selective about who you give yourself to” I implored. “If you take just two boys home each year, then thirty boys will have been inside your house in no time at all”.
We also discussed her wish to have a tattoo. “It will remain on your arm until you are an old lady. Fashions come and go sweetie, you are just fifteen. A tattoo is nothing but a tramp stamp…”
There was Magda, strutting around the supermarket, enormous wings and the word “Angel” (very Robbie Williams and sooo year before last…) tattooed on her back, ginger dreadlocks cascading about her shoulders, she is destined to spend her summer on the beach – not a classical instrument in sight (wipes tear from eye)! A gang of girl chums on the prowl, behaving like the Neanderthal contestants of Ladette to Lady, despite years of ballet lessons, immersion French and Suzuki violin.
OH MY GOD…
Magda and her friends are hosting a house party this summer, and all are welcome to attend (gulp).
These flowers have escaped from the hothouse…
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Philips ReAura (Part 2)
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Philips ReAura (Part 1)
Is there an app for this?
Homework
heather said,
never mind – the next generation will rebel in their turn and will be back to piano lessons and BBC2.
dulwichmum said,
Oh Heather dear heart, by then our hearts will all be broken – and after all of the private music lessons, baby yoga attention to diet. I blame the au pairs…(sob)
Daddy Papersurfer said,
I worked on using reverse psychology ……. that didn’t work either. Still, I enjoyed the years of booze, wearing vests lounging on the sofa and downing lager in vast quantities …….
dulwichmum said,
Oh darling Daddy, you are a scream!
Kitschen Pink said,
A friend recently suggested two solutions to this issue- either ensure your darlings are such social misfits that they are left with no choice but to live at home until their 40′s – alternatively one should become a stalker…. I have not yet had to decide which route to take as my darling little boy is quite certain he will never leave me for another woman….xx
dulwichmum said,
Sweet Kitschen Pink,
I too have a very close relationship with my darling boy. However, Max will find papa a difficult act to follow, and if he should find that this dampens his ambition and stands in the way of his application for medical school and subsequent training as a surgeon, we have resolved to sell up and retire to the Caymen Islands sans enfants.
It really is best for everyone sweetie. All of that body piercing and marijuana smoking would bring on one of my heads…
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