Shameful…
Posted by dulwichmum on Thu 20 August 2009
May I firstly apologise for the recent neglect of my blog? There is a genuine explanation (dabs tear from eye). My cheeks are glowing with shame… Where do I even begin to explain my current predicament?
I am more than aware that I am a little competitive. I have always been au courant with the full meaning of the term “Dulwichmum” – Oh dear God! (Clutches chest and gasps for air).
On Sunday afternoon, at a PTA pre-term picnic, I caught scent of the fact that several mothers had been asked to provide a photo for a top secret fund raising project known only as “Dulwich Calendar Girls!” in aid of a local charity aspiring to provide Rescue Remedy for the homeless. Naturally, as it is such a deserving cause, I was deeply offended that I had not been asked to submit my image (sniff).
For weeks I have been fine tuning my figure with my new Slendertone abdominal belt. Here I sit each evening, glass of gin in hand, arduously exercising… my fitness regime has been relentless (gulps large mouthful from tumbler), I am incredibly pert for a woman of my age…
Naturally I made the necessary phone calls to ensure that I was not ignored (pokes long manicured finger in glass and toys with ice cube). I commandeered James’ prized camera from under our bed, and, oblivious to the fact that this hot weather causes a girl to dehydrate and therefore become drunk incredibly easily, I insisted that the housekeeper took my photo with only a couple of Duchy Originals goose eggs (such a pretty colour and very Farrow and Ball) to preserve my modesty… I don’t know what I was thinking (sigh)!
The entire concept would not have been quite so shameful if it had not been for the fact that I took the composition one step too far, and attached tassles to the aforementioned goose eggs with Blu Tack – I found them under the bed, where they have remained untouched in their box since they were given to me at my hen party…
I retired to bed when the photo shoot was complete, leaving Albena to forward the images to my contact at the PTA by email – James knows nothing of this event… so far (gasp). I have subsequently received an email to inform me that my photo is to be used on the cover of the calendar (blows nose loudly). Not only are my tassels to grace the month of December, but I am also to be shamed as the cover girl! I fear that I may hyperventilate.
Whatever will Granzilla say (wail)?
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Daddy Papersurfer said,
Needing goose eggs rather than bantam eggs is showing off a tad isn’t it Mumsy? …………… also I’m beginning to wonder why the camera is kept under the bed …….
Dulwichmum said,
Daddy dear,
I am horrified by your insinuations (gasp)! Everyone know that there is capacious storage space to be found beneath a king sized divan (smirk).
Frog in the Field said,
Goose eggs are better than goosebumps DM.
We could have a Mummy Bloggers pin up calender, Darling Husband could pose with his new John Deere, James with his profit forcast spreadsheet…ooh, I’m getting bothered just thinking about it!
David Walker said,
I’m so looking forward to 2010
dulwichmum said,
Oh Frog darling,
I know, it could be simply perfect. Naturally I would be on the cover as I have been working out, but you darling, with your ample cleavage, you would be perfect for Easter – with two ostrich eggs!
David sweetie,
You are so kind! But get in the queue, it is a limited print run…(smirk)
Chic Mama said,
Chuckle chuckle….I’m sorry but this grin seems to be attached now….I’m sooo sorry, hehe.
I really am very sympathetic to your plight…hehe. Sorry can’t help myself. I’m sure you look very beautiful and all in a good cause- yes?
dulwichmum said,
Thank you Chic Mama dear,
I realise that it is funny to everyone else, it is simply that I am such a modest person…
kitschen pink said,
Will you be selling copies of the calendar through the blog – such an altruistic use of your superstardom sweetie! (I feel sure that James will be delighted!) t.xx
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