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The end of the line
By dulwichmum | February 4, 2010
Public transport is not for everyone, no really…
In fact, I may jolly well tell Boris myself! And if David Cameron thinks he will coax me onto a bicycle any time soon, he should be aware that although I understand his own motives for cycling (I am as eco-trendy as the next girl), I laugh my socks off each time I see him pursued through Westminster by his security posse in their petrol guzzling four by four.
David is such a wobble bottom in his cycling tights (smirk). To be frank, he does not have the physique of Mr Obama. I should offer to lend him my Slendertone shorts!
I was, quite literally, traumatised by a recent train journey from London Bridge, never again. As I tottered onto the platform in my Gina Couture heels, I was surrounded by scores of people gobbling fast food sans cutlery and one young man who pushed a leaflet into my hand and asked if I wanted help to “cut down” on my “gas” (HOW VERY DARE HE!). An elderly gentleman scuttled past with a ferret on a lead and a young woman sat next to me, picking what appeared to be a complete broccoli floret out from beneath some loose bridge work! I was appalled.
Naturally I tried to amuse myself with my crackberry. One twitter chum chirped “but ferrets can make such affectionate pets” to which, I replied: “I can think of nothing worse than an affectionate rodent”. Another friend volunteered; “Ferrets are darlings but they can smell very strong” OHMYGOD! An affectionate, pungent weasel for companionship – and on public transport too! Give me strength!
The great unwashed masses with their jeans at half mast, clad in fake Ugg boots and fondling their aromatic rodents are not suitable travelling companions for this lady (sigh). Indeed no, I shall avoid public transport at all costs, and if I absoloutely must, I shall NEVER catch a train destined to travel through the London Borough of Lewisham… There is a lesson here for all of us!
Topics: Uncategorized | 10 Comments »
February 4th, 2010 at 21:31
Fake Ugg boots? Surely that’s a crime on so many levels.
February 4th, 2010 at 21:41
OHMIGOD. I have to catch a train AND the tube this weekend. Give me strength!
February 4th, 2010 at 21:41
Rosie darling,
I feel that the government should come down much harder on this type of thing (sob).
Polly dear,
Please tell me urgently, which lines will you be using, I can’t breath…(clutches chest). Perhaps I could send a car?
February 4th, 2010 at 21:55
You said it! what the hell were you doing in *gasp* Lewisham? Fortunately my train line does not pass there….by quite a few miles! ;0)
February 4th, 2010 at 22:01
Sweet Chic Mama,
I just hope I can sleep tonight, it was vile!
February 4th, 2010 at 22:01
The Northern, sweet DM, up to Goodge Street!
February 4th, 2010 at 22:47
sadly I do have to ‘do’ public transport a few days a week .. had the misfortune this evening of only being able to get a seat near the toilets … surely they must only clean them at the beginning of the week as the smell was disgusting. Despite my rant it is pure luxury above bus travel… oh my word I just don’t ‘do’ buses .. loads of fake Uggs and cheap gold jewellery as it zig zags to every council estate en route… *shudder*
February 5th, 2010 at 00:54
I can only say again, that you must my darling girl avoid public transport at all cost. It is simply too much for one of your more elegantly developed senses. I tremble to think what long term exposure might do to your current status as a trend setter, a fashionista, a woman to be envied….
I shall try not to think of you among the masses, it’s simply too much for my finely developed sense of smell.
February 5th, 2010 at 08:36
No room for a heli-pad in the grounds DM? …….. what is your husband up to!!?! ……… I’ll have a word with him …….. I will not tolerate this abuse …..
February 7th, 2010 at 18:14
I had to laugh at your post! I moved to Denmark Hill for the express purpose that I refused to take public transport to get to work. And I need a shower every time I get indoors now, but at least I can drive most of the places I’m going! And yeah – steer clear of Lewisham. Especially at night. That’ll put hair on your chest.