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This is not for everyone…
By dulwichmum | June 1, 2009
My Roman Catholic mother’s spirits have lifted with the latest news of deepening world recession. She consistently refers to this life as a “vale of tears” and was feeling quite bewildered that her family was not suffering some obvious form of financial or physical hardship (gasp). Brenda has therefore relished recent magazine and newspaper articles heralding a return to austerity, directing us to make do and mend. She is eagerly anticipating the day that my munchkins grow out of their school uniforms, her knitting needles and old Singer sewing machine at the ready.
At cock crow this morning Brenda telephoned my office and insisted that I print off some vital information for her from a website that she had heard about via a chum at the WI. Apparently home dressmaking projects are far more successful if one owns a tailor’s dummy and “An American web site has all of the instructions to make your own” she gushed enthusiastically.
I typed in the web address she spelled out to me on my desk top at work and almost laughed myself to death at the images that came up on the screen of some poor demented biddy who was being vacuum packed in duct tape.
The finished mannequin was much smaller than the model and had one breast substantially higher than the other (OHMYGOD)!
My PA swept into the office, spied the images over my shoulder and immediately announced, “I didn’t know that you were into that kind of thing”.
“It is for my mother” I mocked. “She doesn’t have a computer at home to download this rubbish herself, what a hoot!”
“Well it can be fun”, defended Alison. “My ex boyfriend left his favorite gimp mask behind when he moved out, I can let your mother have it if she likes”.
I thought to myself “What in the name of God is a gimp mask?”, but replied calmly without missing a beat: “I am sure Brenda has one already” (remember now, I am the boss)…
OHMYGOD – I just Googled “gimp mask“…
That girl has over-shared.
You just can’t get the staff you know…
Topics: Uncategorized | 8 Comments »
June 1st, 2009 at 16:12
Very snazzy balaclava. Probably less scratchy than the knitted ones my granny made, but you’re right, austerity or not the 1970’s are never that much back in fashion. t.x
June 1st, 2009 at 18:28
I once needed to do some research on private detectives and ‘googled’ private dicks …….. never again ……..
June 1st, 2009 at 20:31
Oh Kitschen Pink dear,
I have checked out your blog and your crafty fingers put my mother to shame (sigh).
Daddy dear,
You always make me laugh!
June 2nd, 2009 at 19:38
Do not worry, Darling DM, Brenda can still make herself useful with her knitting needles
http://img357.imageshack.us/img357/2470/174276348law5.jpg
June 2nd, 2009 at 19:45
Sear Number One Scum Mum,
You should be ashamed of the fact that you knew where to find this. Let’s meet up and put a book proposal together (sigh).
June 3rd, 2009 at 11:30
Oh my God! DM, your blog is becoming very educational. I am a naive Catholic girl who is easily shocked!!!!
June 4th, 2009 at 21:21
Your p.a. sounds sick in the head if you ask me!
June 4th, 2009 at 21:26
I apologise Rosie, I should have warned you to avert your eyes!
Daer Gaelikaa,
If my PA sounds unstable, what do you have to say about my mother, the WI and these American women?