Upgrade
Posted by dulwichmum on Wed 5 May 2010
My lovely friend Michelle sent this to me today, and it made me laugh my socks off!
Dear Technical Support,
A few years ago, I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, Bloomberg 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1 (sob).
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Sensitivity 2.6 simply crashes the system (wail). Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail (blows nose loudly). What am I to do?
Yours sincerely,
Dulwichmum
Dear Dulwichmum,
Firstly, you should be aware that Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: I thoughtyoulovedme. html and try to download Tears 6.2, not forgetting to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Wine (Burgundy 6.1). Please note that Burgundy 6.1 is a very bad program that will automatically download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT in any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. This is an unsupported application and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a super program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Exercise and fitness 3.0 and Good Looks 7.7, this program is not as young as it once was.
Best wishes,
Technical Support
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Polly said,
Ohmygod!!!
I am soooooo never getting married…
dulwichmum said,
Dear Pol,
As my mother once said to me: “Of course you will get married, what makes you so special?” Ha!
nomorexcuses said,
Love it! So… where can I buy the additional software?!
dulwichmum said,
Sweet Nomoreexcuses,
I am working on it, I shall get right back to you!
Irish Mammy said,
I’ve been looking for the additional software to do with ‘tea making abilities’ where I can download this? It also appears my model has come with a foreign programme and this does not include ‘foot massage’ – what to do Dulwich mum? Good luck with the Fabulous Party!
Froginthefield said,
Ha!
Very, very funny
Sam Pennington said,
Laughed so much it made my mascara run. My ‘husband 1.0′ program failed completely. It managed to run off with the ‘floosy X’ program. All attempts at re-booting failed!
dulwichmum said,
Perfect Irish Mammy,
I shall be campaigning up until the last minute. Thanks. X
Darling Froglet,
I am glad you liked it.
Sam dear,
Apparently Oscar Wilde said that marriage is a friendship recognised by the police! It is not for everyone. You poor love. Mwah x
amy said,
this is the best post that i’ve read all week!!!! love it p.s i think i need some technical support for my hubby lol!! xx
TracyEJ said,
Brilliant post – love it!
hegt said,
LMAO! Brilliant!
Laura said,
Absolutely loved it! Fabulous!
Hypnomummy said,
Personally I can fully recommend uninstalling Husband 1.0 and replacing with Husband 2.0. This is a much younger application that comes with all programs that Husband 1.0 could not handle as standard.
rani said,
lol that was soo funny had to show my hubby………
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