Worst Christmas Gift Ever
Posted by dulwichmum on Thu 17 December 2009
Brenda, my mother, is in Ireland for Christmas, spending time with her recently bereaved sister Ann;
“I got such a shock when I saw him lying in the coffin. I had never seen him so happy before. I wonder if it was because they had to stretch his face to get his false teeth back in” (gulp).
Isn’t she a hoot? Brenda claims that “A good funeral is more fun than a wedding”…
Tiny Freya announced late last week, that she has re drafted her Christmas list and now requires a selection of GoGo Hamsters, their Fun House, car and various accessories (OHMYGOD!). The poppet could not possibly have selected a more scarce gift (clutches chest). The shelves of every toy shop in London are bare (sniff). Amazon traders are seeking up to £40 for each of the electronic rodents, which normally retail at just £9.99 (gasp).
What was I to do?
The first move I made was the wrong one, clearly… I phoned Brenda and wailed;
“Freya wants GoGo Hamsters for Christmas”.
“Well buy her one” came the calm reply.
“But mother, they are the most sought after gifts this Christmas, they are sold out simply everywhere, and none left in the shops here in the UK at all.”
I never got to say another single word after that…
“Well, you know that in my despair at the loss of my beloved brother-in-law,I forgot to buy my own grandchild a Christmas presant,” claimed Brenda “so I will go to a pet shop in Dublin and buy her a hamster. Just one mind, I expect that they breed like rabbits. If I pop him in a shoe box with an old towel to keep him cosy, its freezing here, is it cold in London? Well, he will sleep all the way to London in the post. Sure he will be grand. Don’t they say that the only things to survive nuclear war would be cockroaches and rats? Well, hamsters are rats, aren’t they? If I toss in a carrot for him to snack on, and maybe some sunflower seeds – Ann, do you have any sunflower seeds?” And with that she hung up…
OHMYGOD!
Well, what was I to do???
I got straight on Amazon, and ordered four Go go hamsters and a fun house for £240, clearly! Bailey’s anyone?
NOTE TO SELF: Text mother and tell her that it really is OK to give cash as a gift for Christmas. There are so many things a grandparent can give as a gift, that are more worthwhile than a dead hamster… Use Western Union and people can get what they want, you know it will get there on time if you have waited to the last minute, and it is, quite frankly easy (and carbon footprintless!). Simples!
IN THE MORNING I SHALL BE POSTING A SUPER COMPETITION, WHERE YOU, MY SUPER SPECIAL CHUMS, SHALL BE INVITED TO SHARE YOUR TALES AND PHOTOS OF “THE WORST CHRISTMAS GIFT EVER” WITH A VERITABLE PROFUSION OF FABULOUS PRIZES, SO GET YOUR THINKING CAPS ON!
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Daddy Papersurfer said,
I agree with Brenda – I love a good funeral ……… I really wish I could go to my own ……..
Amber Lee said,
You have just encouraged me further to give my future child only imagination stimulation items such as dress up and blocks. Those never run out of stock!
dulwichmum said,
Daddy dear,
Please don’t say such a thing. It is obvious from your avatar that you are not a young man, but the thought of you falling from your perch, breaks my heart…(sob). I want you to know that should you ever pass away, I shall be the one at your funeral in the big black hat (clearly!), I always like to have the perfect outfit…
Lovely Amber Lee,
It looks like Freya will be using her imagination this year then, she will be wearing her nurses outfit and trying to resuscitate her rodent gift from grandma…
Frog in the Field said,
Dear Brenda, she’s so thoughtful!
Rosie Scribble said,
Those Go Go hamsters got some very bad press recently. I’d avoid them like the plague.
dulwichmum said,
Perfect Froglet,
You don’t think that she could be a psychotic freak do you?
Darling Rosie,
I have no choice but to avoid the damn electronic rodents, I am finding it so very difficult to get my hands on one (stomps foot)!
Julie Henderson said,
How awful
My worst xmas gift was loads of cheap non 925 jewellery as i have a nickel allergy and could only wear silver or gold – my ears and arms were a mess with a rash for days
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